'Tis the season

[Ben Scott]

Happy $HOLIDAY, everybody.


  'Twas The Night Before Implementation

'Twas the night before implementation and all through the house,
Not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers hung by their tubes in dispair,
With hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in there heads.

When out in the computer room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a super programmer (with a six pack of beer).

His resume glowed with experince so rare,
He turned out great code with bit-pusher flare.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he cursed and muttered and called them by name:
On Update! On Add!  On Inquiry!  On Delete!
On Batch Jobs!  On Closing!  On Functions Complete!

His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
>From weekends and nights in front of the screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twitch of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code, and then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger upon the ENTER key,
He brought it all up and it worked perfectly.

The updates updated, the deletes, they deleted,
The inquiries inquired, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
The users' last changes were even included.
Yet the users exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what we asked for, but not what we want!"

(Author unknown)