COBOL on HPUX

Tom Buskey tom at buskey.name
Wed Jan 8 06:46:20 EST 2020


On Mon, Jan 6, 2020 at 11:19 PM Ken D'Ambrosio <ken at jots.org> wrote:

> On 2020-01-06 22:44, R. Anthony Lomartire wrote:
>
> So I recently landed a job working in COBOL on HP-UX. It's been a trip!
>
>
> Oh, man.  You just had to go there.  Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I *do*
> have a COBOL on HP-UX story.  I was working at a startup c. 2002, and we
> wanted to use the PointMan ERP system on our HP-UX hosts.  (Linux wasn't
> yet an option for PointMan.)  So I, a relative HP-UX neophyte, ordered
> COBOL for some thousands of dollars.  I got, in a FedEx envelope: one (1)
> sheet of paper with one (1) serial number and a phone number to order more
> stuff.
>
> Period.
>
> I mean, silly me.  For a couple of thousand bucks, I'd expected install
> media, release notes, some accompanying documentation.  *SOMETHING*  So I
> call the phone number and am like, "What in the world do I *do* with
> this??"  They transfer me to another number.  Which transfers me to another
> number.  Which transfers me to another number.  Who gives me a number they
> promise will be able to help.  It's only after I hang up that I realize
> it's the first number I'd called -- the one on the piece of paper.  At this
> point, I begin to doubt my sanity.
> Oh -- and did I mention the ERP system, itself, cost something north of
> $150K, and I had the CFO breathing down my neck to get it installed, like,
> yesterday?
> I finally find some poor woman who's at least, like, *heard* of COBOL.
> And she gets me to people who are willing to help me -- if I pay the $750
> (? -- I think that's right) maintenance fee.  So I do.  And get connected
> with a very helpful engineer who explains the software is on the install
> media that *came with the system*; I just needed the serial number to
> activate it.
> "Except, oh, yeah, YOUR version of the install media has a bug, and COBOL
> won't install.  I need to mail you a file."
> "So, you mean, even if I knew HP-UX super-duper well, I *STILL* wouldn't
> have been able to install it?"
> "Yeah, that about sums it up."
>
> Again: release notes.  Errata.  An fscking URL.  ANYTHING.  I wrote our HP
> rep a letter the likes of which I generally try not to write.  He called me
> up and asked what he could do to make it right.  I said that was
> impossible, but implored him not to screw over other customers.
>
> That's a top-five most-frustrating-thing ever.  I sincerely hope that
> things have changed in the intervening time.
>
> -Ken
>
>

That pretty much sums up most of my experience with HP support, going back
to when they got into Unix workstations buying Apollo.  Professionally,
I've avoided them when I could because of it.  If you're into used/retro
computers (tape drives, etc) at home, its worse.  You need support
contracts for anything.  It's almost easier to find manuals & tech
materials for older Sun systems on Oracle's sites today.
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