COBOL on HPUX

[Ken D'Ambrosio]

On 2020-01-06 22:44, R. Anthony Lomartire wrote:

> So I recently landed a job working in COBOL on HP-UX. It's been a trip!

Oh, man.  You just had to go there.  Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I
*do* have a COBOL on HP-UX story.  I was working at a startup c. 2002,
and we wanted to use the PointMan ERP system on our HP-UX hosts.  (Linux
wasn't yet an option for PointMan.)  So I, a relative HP-UX neophyte,
ordered COBOL for some thousands of dollars.  I got, in a FedEx
envelope: one (1) sheet of paper with one (1) serial number and a phone
number to order more stuff. 

Period. 

I mean, silly me.  For a couple of thousand bucks, I'd expected install
media, release notes, some accompanying documentation.  *SOMETHING*  So
I call the phone number and am like, "What in the world do I *do* with
this??"  They transfer me to another number.  Which transfers me to
another number.  Which transfers me to another number.  Who gives me a
number they promise will be able to help.  It's only after I hang up
that I realize it's the first number I'd called -- the one on the piece
of paper.  At this point, I begin to doubt my sanity. 
Oh -- and did I mention the ERP system, itself, cost something north of
$150K, and I had the CFO breathing down my neck to get it installed,
like, yesterday? 
I finally find some poor woman who's at least, like, *heard* of COBOL. 
And she gets me to people who are willing to help me -- if I pay the
$750 (? -- I think that's right) maintenance fee.  So I do.  And get
connected with a very helpful engineer who explains the software is on
the install media that *came with the system*; I just needed the serial
number to activate it. 
"Except, oh, yeah, YOUR version of the install media has a bug, and
COBOL won't install.  I need to mail you a file."
"So, you mean, even if I knew HP-UX super-duper well, I *STILL* wouldn't
have been able to install it?"
"Yeah, that about sums it up." 

Again: release notes.  Errata.  An fscking URL.  ANYTHING.  I wrote our
HP rep a letter the likes of which I generally try not to write.  He
called me up and asked what he could do to make it right.  I said that
was impossible, but implored him not to screw over other customers. 

That's a top-five most-frustrating-thing ever.  I sincerely hope that
things have changed in the intervening time. 

-Ken 

> This stuff is from before my time but it's been really interesting to learn. Have any of you folks worked with this stuff? We're looking to migrate away eventually, maybe anyone with experience there? I'd love to hear any stories about COBOL or old enterprise mainframe applications you've worked with. We're probably going to be hiring soon too if anyone would be interested in a similar gig. :) 
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